Far Away // Help Me Believe
Oh God, I want to believe You.
I want to believe that you hear every word I say when I talk to you in prayer. I want to believe that you care about my pain and the pain of the people I love. I want to believe that You are beside me and that I don’t have to do any of this alone. But, God.
I struggle, and I flounder. In and out of the water, from belief to unbelief and back again. There’s so much I don’t understand that I want to understand, if I’m honest. I’m still asking the same questions about suffering and sickness and injustice. In my mind, I hear the whispered wondering of “does God even care?” and “is this for real?”.
I hear these questions when I talk with others about their lives as well. While they say things like, “I know God is for me”, I hear the questions hidden behind their words. I think we’re so afraid of our doubts that we hide them behind cliches and sentiments. We secretly live hopeless lives even we are unaware we’re living, because we’re so afraid of what we’ll find if we ask our questions of God.
I’m not saying we’ll find all the answers. In fact, I know we won’t find all the answers, but yet that’s exactly what is so assuring to my soul about our faith. The God of the Christian faith is not a god so small that He could ever be fully known. Isaiah 40:25-28 (NIV) says it this way:
“To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.
Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one
and calls forth each of them by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
To be a Christian is to have faith in a God we cannot fathom or understand.
Faith is defined as, “complete trust or confidence in someone or something”. The Bible in Hebrews 11:1 (GNT) defines faith as: “…Being sure of what we hope for, being convinced of what we do not see.”
Faith is believing even when our eyes cannot physically see. Faith is trusting even when our minds cannot possibly comprehend the ways of God. I long to be a daughter who has seen her Father in action enough to trust Him even when I feel like there’s no good to come of it. I want to be a sister to my fellow sojourners who speaks truth even in the midst of suffering seasons. Oh, that I may genuinely utter the words of 1 Peter to my fellow wanderers:
“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith- more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him…”
I pray this song meets you in the journey of fighting to believe truth. That though you do not see Him, you may yet believe, He is near. That though you do not feel Him, you may yet believe, He is good.
May faith be the shield with which we “extinguish all the darts of the evil one” (Eph. 6:16 NIV). Where we’ve been swallowed and sunken by doubt, may we cry out unto our Father: